LET GO;/

Saturday, October 16, 2004

eating dried cranberries now. yum it's nicee((: okay today's activity was quite slack. had footdrill, and its extremeelyyy slack. nothing much also. yep then had the balloon craft thingy. eee I absolutely hate balloons. scaryy. hah the sec ones and twos are like all so cute, like gathered in one bunch twisting balloons carefully((: hehs. yep nothing much also. anyway benghui said mrsyip wanted to do origami also so I folded a nice paper shirt and proudly went to show zhixin. guess what she said? she told me she knew that since primary one. bah. piggified. no need to be so honest one whatt((: hahah. what a zhu. then had interaction with the sec twos. I just hope they will keep their promises and not disappoint us again. yep the had talentime. was okay also. then rck. went for rck silver lesson with yuheng ma'am. so long never hold a pen in my hand le, seemed so foreign hah. yep then debrief. told them about project rc love and the sana course and their camp grps and stuffs. anw reminder to the people! pls pass me the list of the names of the people who want to go for both the activities on monday. yea

after activity stayed back until 4 plus to do planning. was quite productive. I'm gg to do this proposal with all my heart and soul so I dont freaking have to think of any other things.

tell me why.

Friday, October 15, 2004

sobs. today was yet another boring day. had farewell assembly. sigh was freaking sadd laa)): I mean I kind of told myself that I am absolutely not supposed to cry, but yet when I see the Sec 4s all crying and tearing, I feel so sad as well=l aha I'm like how stupid laa, its really none of my business. yep anw all my very kind squadmates started volunteering to bring me buckets next year, guess they already know I am going to bawl my lungs out:/ hahaha.

yep saw the ma'ams/seniors also. gave them the cards that we wrote. gave to xinhui ma'am first cuz we saw her leaving and had to run after her. gave her her very belated bday present and autograph book. then she said something that made me and jiahui cry): yep then gave to zihua senior. started me off again): then gave to janice senior. then to xiaoan senior. then to sofia senior. started crying again): hugged sofia senior. then gave to mingjiao snr. hehs gave her her long lost wallet also. biggrins* anw shes damn cute. hiding under her windbreaker hehs.((: saw asyiqin snr next. then kahyin snr and finally xuyun snr. oh mans I can't believe this might be one of the last times I would see them in their school-u in the auditorium, in their classrooms, or walking up the rotunda)): godd this is super sad)):

still remb them as our direct sec 2 seniors when we were in sec 1. was not really close to them at that time, and they told us about camp and stuffs. the next thing we know they became the ones organising the camp. then all the activties. the footdrill sessions. the evac lessons. remb management crisis where I had to feed xh snr's pinkie kaya, remb zh snr's face when music started blaring out from the PA system, both of them's laughter when the indian man with that yuckss jade earring kept sweeping around us, them reprimanding us and making us feel guilty, the sight of zh snr hugging little anne, them piggy-backing each other, xuyun snr's rck lesson quiz where we had to stick out our heads and make the 'ting' sound, 'sofia snr's interllectuality' and she taking our attendance every week, for so many activities, xiaoan snr and her comics, asyiqin snr's caringness, janice snr- always with xh ma'am complaints "eh janice you very mean leh!", and mingjiao senior- always makes us laugh like anything((: I think I typed all these down in so many blog entries le, but I find myself trying to remember and relive those memories. I'm afraid to forget:(

sighh. I WILL MISS YOU ALL:( love you guys soo much. -bighugs* and thank you once again.

I have a wish): I wish I had recorded down the memories in a taperecorder or something, so at least I can rewind it over and over again to relive the laughter and the tears, even the most ordinary things like falling in and all the lessons, because without them it has become a different kind of ordinary yet again. And, I would never have to forget any of the little little things that are so easy to slip from my mind, so easily lost)):

-criess* I need a long long hugg:((

Thursday, October 14, 2004

okay look. I dont know whether I am reading too much into this, but intuition tells me I'm not. I would have never suspected anything if I had not seen that particular statement. And I'm sorry that I ever did, cuz it would have saved me much misery, and puzzle-ment. I really dont know how things turn out like that. It started off innocently enough, didn't it? I dont know how you interpreted certain things to arrive by that certain conclusion, I dont know anything anymore. It's stupid that I should even get bothered by this, especially since this may have been just myself looking too deeply into things like I always do. I hope it really is that way.

I wish I never knew the truth. things would have been much simpler then. I am going to forget the events that had taken place during the past two weeks. I am choosing the weakest way out. Yes, I am going to run away from the truth. I am going to pretend nothing happened, and most importantly, I am going to pretend you never existed in my life.

-

It was the curse, the curse of saying. I apologise. Please reverse everythingg, will you?

I resolve to stop rotting my life away online.

I feel like I am playing a game no one understands):

The world is filled with very unpredictable people who baffle other people when they try to understand them. I know one such of this kind of people and I feel like strangling her now and knocking some sense into her very thick head=/

-

hehs played minesweeper flags with zhixinnn. and I wonn!!(((: -bigsmiless* yayy!

ahaha this shows the extent of my boredom. I should find something better to do:/

god today cannot be more boringg-. feel like ponning school again tmr cuz I am peeling excessively but I can't because I just realised that all the stuff are with me. !@#$% raA. k anw went to school today. no mass run yay. yep went to look for mrs yip in the morning to settle some stuffs with her((: happy outcomee. going to be busy busy busy((: be prepared yea?((: yep then had some sexuality education thingy. dotx. was practically sleeping through la. when I was not sleeping we were doing illegal stuffs((: -grinss* yep me and enli really cannot take it le. the chair was so freaking hard and uncomfortable so we sat on the floor and used our chairs as our table and slept that wayy haha. funnyy. poor maria tan:/ ohwells.

yep then watched some movie. okayy its nice I think. dont really know whats going on cus I can't see any of the subtitles without my specs. but the dog is soo cutee((: -nods* yep ate lunch with enli and zhixin. slacked a little while in the redcrosss room. horrified to find that my nose is peeling. hahahaha. enli and shaz and singning made a whole joke out of it. bleughh. some squadmates they are:/ hahaha. yep den went home le. for once I'm home early. main reason? I need to sleeepp=/ yawnss.

I wanna turn back time, so that I could have never let you into my life. get out:(

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

`stop it, just stop it. Alright?

I'm just so tired of everything. screwed. everything is so screwed`. I feel like shit. and I hate myself. I hate myself for ever doing what I did, cuz I feel like shit now, ARGH. screw it. screw everything.This was a mistake, is a mistake, always will be a mistake. Just get out of my life. Period.

That's it. I know what to do now.

I'm utterly disappointed in them. screw` everything. If they can't survive this, they cannot withstand anything at all. Its all in their mind; it lies in their mindset. She was right, I could not convince her because it was a fact. They have proved me wrong.

-

"I have a good imagination."

I imagine myself loving her, and she, loving me. I imagine her smile, her carefree ways, the way she always tells me that everything would be alright. I love the way she will sit quietly beside me when I was down, quietly offering solace and comfort, the way she will look at me with quiet understanding. I looked at her face now, tilted slightly towards the sun. Her eyes were closed so that her long lashes rested on her cheeks, a tiny smile playing on the corners of her mouth. She looked so sweet, so vulnerable, so protectable, so blissful.

At this moment, she was the perfect picture I wanted to hold in my arms, and tell her that I love her.

yea I'm back((: today was quite productive la plus very funn((: heh. yeps met the rest at 9 today at tiong bahru mrt station. haii they all ah, meet so earlyy, make me wake up so early. wthh.((: not enough sleep leh. k anw jiahui, shazie and singning was late (as usual), and I was earlyy!! yayy so proud of myself((: lala. yep so found enli and zhixin at 7-11 first, then we went to macs to eat breakfast and wait for the rest. aha den went cold storage to buy cup noodles for our lunch. Apparently zhixin's hse got nothing to the extent that there is also no hot water to cook our noodles so must get from the bathroom heater tap that kind((: ahha. k kidding. yeps den went to the busstop. met clarissa snr on the wayy! heh((: den went to zhixin's hse. started work. joked around alot and talk alot of rubbish hahh. zhixin has this pikachu that is like dunno how many years old and its like totally out of shape that kind? ahaha so cute la. it's also decoloured=l like become some dirty yellow- same colour as the shirt she was wearing((: AHA. stupid zhixin laa, her shirt is some dirty yellow and the smart girl keep insisting its green. dotx or what=l hehh. were laughing like siao at her laa((: cus she look so auntie. wahaha. yeps did quite alot of work today. den we went to plan-, which was freaking funny. ahahahaha. zhixinn!!((: her dialect cannot make itt=X yeps den went home le.

hahaha((: I'm so exxcited((:

btw I really dont know how the hell am I going to carry my bag to school tmr=l my shoulders are badly burnt to the extent that I can't roll over when I'm sleeping. I have to sleep on my back like a zombie. sighh.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

lalala yayy my new blog template is so nicee((: soo orangee!!((: yayy. heh thanks shazie!((: -hugs*

yep still at the sch com lab. the sec twos are busy filming? ha so funniee((: feeling damn sleepy now la. wanna sleep le=l heh. finished the friendster for crescent redcross today! eh people make friends okay!((:

yep ponning school tmr with them hahh. happy happyy`(((:

in the school com. labb noww((: was so bored and lonely but nice nice shazie came to accompany me. heh thanks ah((: now she helping me to edit my blog template hehh. yayy!((: shes so sweeett((: heh the sec twos are gardening now. their apple orange and pear seeds have become little little plants le((: aha can photosynthesize! provide oxygen=D -smiless*

hai. so screwed`:(( I really dont want to hurt anyone.

I'm sorry if I do:(

Monday, October 11, 2004

ouchh I'm so burnt=l red like some cooked lobster and chili crab(according to sakina and shazie) painns. I can feel myself radiating heat lahs!=X k anw todayy was sooo funn!((: recapp recap.

reached tiong bahru mrt a little late today. okays maybe not a little, heh was nearly an hour late -sheepish* sorry:X yepp then went to the ntuc to get food. bought jelly, chips, fruit juice, watermelon, chipsmore and blah. heh anw I was kinda broke for the month which had barely started so shazie helped me to pay first. thanks ah(: yep and guess what? when we were about to pay, mdm kala appeared laa!! omgg I was like totally hiding behind the shelf. I mean I kind of told them that I was at some family chalet thats why dint go for peer leader=l aha! somemore that vaishnavi honavali called my name so loud! ahaha. what a scare. k paid. went to outram mrt, then to habour front, then took the shuttle bus to sentosa. went palawan beach. first thing we did? helped people to take photo. dionggs. yep then we sat on the sand and ate a little, then went into the sea which was nice and cold and blue and refreshing but extremely saltyy=l ughh. was damn farnie cus shazie went to pretend she was dead and all of us knelt around her and pretended to weep. HAH. lame la. so choy cann ahah.

played water frisbee and land frisbee. our skills are horrible, esp beng's. tskk((: ate the watermelon and it tasted unbelievably nice((: heh. yep den played in the water a while more. only me shazie and beng cus sakina, tiff and jh dint wanna get wet. went ashore. the others played cards while I slept heh. so sleepy and the weather was so nice((: yeps went back into the water after that. then the rest asked us to hurry go up cus they wanna cross the bridge to the other side. sat on the rocks and talked about alot of stuffs. nice((: then me and beng and shazie started to make our own 'swimming pool'. heh its nice okayy=D yep den we went to the rocks area to catch fish and crabs. obviously never catch any la haha. got loads of cuts from the stupid rocks though. yep then collected shells. stupidd beng found a nice big one and she gave it to me without realising that there is a creature living inside! omg scared me half to death when it popped its head out=l ahaha. yeps then we took photos again on the bridge. look so spas. then went to wash up and bathe(: went 7-11 to buy sandwiches den took the monorail and went home. tataa((:

heh so funn la((: wish I could stay there foreverr((: anw my mum wants me to mop the floor now bleah. how evil can she get to force her poor sunburnt daughter to mop the floorr at this time of the day right? hai. but its kinda my fault la. I broke the mop yesterday haha. that lousy mop=l

to[get]her forever!

Sunday, October 10, 2004

I'm blogging again. sooo bored laa. yep went out for dinner to some ah orh seafood restaurant? funny name. yeps and I ate chilli crabbb!! ahhhs! heavenly((: and kangkong! heh shazie are you jealous?:PP yep. been eating like soo much these few days. everytime I complain to people, they will say I need the food. hai=( do I look very hungry or starved? hmphh.((: yep anyway sakina says this is post exam gluttony((: aha so cute right? its so true. yep. then went ikea. heh my parents were shopping around looking for I-dont-know-what, so me and my brother sat at the bench and watched tom and jerry. heh itss soooo cutteee!!((: my childhood fwens!:)) but abit malu only la since I am soo the age to be watching cartoons and somemore laughing away with my primary4 brother aha.=l cant help it its really funnyy:D

tmr ponning peer leader training=l so guilty but cant help it rightt. heh. I think its very ironic that mrs wong told me that I have to present the part about the school rules=l I am so the perfect role model((: is it not so? HAH.

yayy! going sentosa tomorrow!! heh soooo exciting(((: -beams* hee. but sad laa, dawnnie and yinxi wanted to go watch white chicks tomorrow also, then cannot go with them. heh. sorry. yeps anw my squadmates wanted to meet at tiong bahru at like 9.00 tomorrow!? so earlyyyy la! haii deprived of sleep:/ hee. yeps dunno what we gg to do there also, just slack around and draw in the sand and splash around in the water and stuffs I guess. then can discuss some rc things also((: aha. anyhow it'll be fun la. I know de((:

anw thank you Sec twos for your phone call(: so sweet! hehs. and the Sec ones also for their presents. so sweet of them, make me want to cry only. thank you. ((: -hugs*

ohyaaa. that "yueqi`" who said "thanks guys. hah" in my tagboard is not me laa. i always put a "-" in my url/hotmail that box. bleahh. never impose correctly:P but anyway that excatly what I wanna say to the people who tagged also((: so thanks!